Sadly the argument being presented above is that certain people get to tell other people they're not feminists, using their personal definition of feminism, a definition which also leaves me out in the cold.

What you're espousing is an inclusive feminism and I like inclusive feminism :) But right at the moment there's a lot of unpleasant comment being made (including the one more or less attempting to erase tomboys as a distinct and distinctive social group) which is making me want to shove certain people up against the wall and show them my tomboy grin :D