hawkwing_lb: (Default)
[personal profile] hawkwing_lb
Here is a thing that happened today, and rather spoiled my happy I-have-swum-the-sun-is-shining pleasure at the world.

Three in the afternoon. Doorbell rings. It is a man from the gas company. "Hello," says I.

"Is your mum or dad there?" says he.

I make the WTF face and nobly refrain from asking how fucking old does he think I am. "Can I help you?" says I. ("Can I help you?" is code for TELL ME WHAT THE HELL YOU WANT OKAY. I thought everyone knew this.)

"Are you the Man of the House?" says he.

WTF says my face again. With great restraint, I repeat: "Can I help you?"

"But are you the MAN OF THE HOUSE?" he says again.

At this point, I confess, I lost my temper. "Dude, do I look like a guy? GO AWAY." (I have never said "Dude" out loud before.) Closed the door, and retired to seethe, and to recount this funny story to the internets.

Moral of the story: if you have short hair and a t-shirt and shorts, and aren't performing traditional femininity, at least one of Bord Gáis's travelling doorsteppers will go straight to TEENAGER ALERT and/or MAN ALERT.

I'm tempted to write a complaint. ARE YOU THE MAN OF THE HOUSE?

No. THERE ARE NO MEN IN THIS HOUSE. BECAUSE WE ARE AMAZONS. AND MAN-EATING FEMINISTS...

Actually, because it is possible to be short-haired and female-ish. And it is also possible to live in houses without men, it's a thing that happens sometimes, STRANGER THINGS HAVE HAPPENED.

Date: 2014-07-23 05:12 pm (UTC)
sovay: (Sovay: David Owen)
From: [personal profile] sovay
No. THERE ARE NO MEN IN THIS HOUSE. BECAUSE WE ARE AMAZONS. AND MAN-EATING FEMINISTS...

Poem, please. (Gas company-o-machy?)

Date: 2014-07-23 06:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hawkwing-lb.livejournal.com
"Are you the man of the house?"
It's a man who asks, clipboard
tight against his chest, grey-haired
halfway to sneering.
Was I a man once,
or ever? Does it matter?

If I were Iphis
I might answer.

But there are houses without men
and men without houses: today
I'm a woman. Perhaps today
ἀντιάνειρα and angry -

in this house there are no men
we have burnt off a breast apiece
and sworn to live apart like lovers
like sisters, fuck only for daughters
kill our sons - heartless, spouseless
mares without bridles, relentless
children of man-slaying War.
Is there a man of the house?
We eat men like you
- sweaty-shirted, disrespect in your face -
we women without men.

Yes. That's right. Run.




Poem, please. (Gas company-o-machy?)

Does that perhaps gratify your desire? *g*

Date: 2014-07-23 06:02 pm (UTC)
sovay: (Cho Hakkai: intelligence)
From: [personal profile] sovay
Does that perhaps gratify your desire?

HOLY FUCK SEND THAT SOMEWHERE STAT.

Date: 2014-07-23 06:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hawkwing-lb.livejournal.com
As you command!

...You're not reading for SH this month, are you? Because I'd feel a bit weird dropping it right into your inbox after the ALL CAPS. ;)

Date: 2014-07-23 06:10 pm (UTC)
sovay: (Rotwang)
From: [personal profile] sovay
...You're not reading for SH this month, are you? Because I'd feel a bit weird dropping it right into your inbox after the ALL CAPS.

Hah. Sadly, no; I'd take it if I were!

(Yay!)

Date: 2014-07-23 06:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hawkwing-lb.livejournal.com
Now you're just encouraging me to wait for a month where you are reading for it. :P

*sends it out into the world anyway*

Date: 2014-07-23 07:00 pm (UTC)
ext_29896: Lilacs in grandmother's vase on my piano (Default)
From: [identity profile] glinda-w.livejournal.com
*wordless admiration*

Date: 2014-07-23 07:07 pm (UTC)

Date: 2014-07-23 05:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] puddleshark.livejournal.com
Oh, dear heavens. I conclude that the Bord Gáis:

a) employs very cheaply made artificial intelligences

b) trains said AIs to interact with the public by showing them every sitcom ever made in the 1950s.




Date: 2014-07-23 06:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hawkwing-lb.livejournal.com
I do not rule it out.

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