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Mar. 19th, 2008 05:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hawkwing_lbBy the time I crawled out of bed and showered today it was nearly half past one. By the time I got food and ran errands, it was nearly half past three. It is now past five p.m., and I have done nothing remotely useful today.
Ugh. Where did I leave my motivation? What happened to my energy, my drive, my determination to get shit done?
Oh, right. Today is the third day of bleeding, I haven't gymmed since Friday, Monday was a depressing national holiday, the weather continues damp and chill, my knuckles hurt, my faith is human goodness has taken yet another hit, I'm lonely, and I have three more exams to look forward to next week. No wonder I'm filled with such vast joy.
What I wouldn't give for a sense of security, a little more self-confidence, and the ability to keep going on a lot less sleep. Because however hard I try to forget - and sometimes I even succeed for a while - it often seems that the scales are heavily weighted, and nothing I do will ever be quite enough to achieve an interesting job, a secure life, time and space for a couple of hobbies... Two out of three wouldn't be bad.
It would be nice, too, not to resent those members of my family for whom this is a reality - for whom it is unthinkable that they should not have these things.
Ack. This is clearly not a good week for me. I should just shut up, eat something, and try to get some work done.
Ugh. Where did I leave my motivation? What happened to my energy, my drive, my determination to get shit done?
Oh, right. Today is the third day of bleeding, I haven't gymmed since Friday, Monday was a depressing national holiday, the weather continues damp and chill, my knuckles hurt, my faith is human goodness has taken yet another hit, I'm lonely, and I have three more exams to look forward to next week. No wonder I'm filled with such vast joy.
What I wouldn't give for a sense of security, a little more self-confidence, and the ability to keep going on a lot less sleep. Because however hard I try to forget - and sometimes I even succeed for a while - it often seems that the scales are heavily weighted, and nothing I do will ever be quite enough to achieve an interesting job, a secure life, time and space for a couple of hobbies... Two out of three wouldn't be bad.
It would be nice, too, not to resent those members of my family for whom this is a reality - for whom it is unthinkable that they should not have these things.
Ack. This is clearly not a good week for me. I should just shut up, eat something, and try to get some work done.
