I'm afraid of the world
Nov. 19th, 2010 12:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hawkwing_lbI'm at the point of the year where going forward and staying still both seem equally difficult.
I'm not a big fan of November. There's nothing in it that I like, really, and no end to the growing dark. At least in December one can look forward to the solstice, a midwinter rest break, and New Year's Eve.
This particular endless November is damp and cold and has the prospect of the country's bankruptcy hanging overhead like the Sword of Damocles, suspended by a thread. And I do not know how to deal with this, with the increasingly desperate rhetoric in the papers and the increasing sense of hopelessness - frustration, thwarted rage, bile, lack of options - among so many people whom I know.
In me, too, to be honest.
I'm tired of being insignificant. I'm tired of being one of the great unwashed ignored. I'm tired of feeling as though I'm reaching above myself to want a middle-class life, because you can't get there from here.
There's no there there.
I had this entire long post about the government, and how bloody impossible it is to believe in the future if you're not already mostly free of debt and in a household with two solid incomes. But it amounted to sound and thunder, signifying nothing.
And there's nothing I can do to affect any of the outcomes with which I am concerned.
It boils down to I'm afraid.
And I dearly wish not to be.
I'm not a big fan of November. There's nothing in it that I like, really, and no end to the growing dark. At least in December one can look forward to the solstice, a midwinter rest break, and New Year's Eve.
This particular endless November is damp and cold and has the prospect of the country's bankruptcy hanging overhead like the Sword of Damocles, suspended by a thread. And I do not know how to deal with this, with the increasingly desperate rhetoric in the papers and the increasing sense of hopelessness - frustration, thwarted rage, bile, lack of options - among so many people whom I know.
In me, too, to be honest.
I'm tired of being insignificant. I'm tired of being one of the great unwashed ignored. I'm tired of feeling as though I'm reaching above myself to want a middle-class life, because you can't get there from here.
There's no there there.
I had this entire long post about the government, and how bloody impossible it is to believe in the future if you're not already mostly free of debt and in a household with two solid incomes. But it amounted to sound and thunder, signifying nothing.
And there's nothing I can do to affect any of the outcomes with which I am concerned.
It boils down to I'm afraid.
And I dearly wish not to be.
