I am one who finds it easier to assume the worst than to hope, too. What I told myself about research was that when I measured it by the everyday standard -- what is this worth in money? what can it earn me? what will others pay? -- it not only made me anxious, it was bad for the research, because it was the wrong measure. The voice of capitalist value is socially dominant and very loud, and its damaging to many people and things. It's very reductive. I did and do worry about feeding and housing myself, but I eventually trained myself into valuing the work in terms of what it illuminated, explained, examined. The work you're doing now is not paying you well, nor is it 'adding to the economy' (where 'the economy' means monetary value) but it will outlast you. In the hoary phrase, you are adding to the total sum of human knowledge, and that is of great value. Best wishes.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2012-06-19 10:51 am (UTC)Best wishes.