Failure, or, expensive learning experiences

[hawkwing_lb]

The reasons I am back home already could be described as many and various.

But, you know, they boil down to me not dealing well with not being able to sleep in temperatures half again as hot as what is normally considered 'hot' around here.

So after about six hours of sleep in eighty hours, I took a decision of dubious rationality and headed for the airport on the morning of the third day. I'm not sure, and never will be, if that was the right decision to make, or even a good one. I am, however, fairly well convinced that it was the only decision I was at that point capable of making.

(I have no idea what this means for my putative career. I suspect I need to either stay out of practical archaeology - which means going into something like papyriology or purely non-field based analysis - or find an interest in Roman Britain or northern Europe, where the conditions are cooler and damper. Le sigh. This will require... some thought, and going to ask people for advice, which I hate doing.)

I really don't do well when I can't sleep well. Seriously.

It took me the better part of five hundred euros, a day and a night to get back to Ireland. I suspect I did it arsewise, going Heraklion-Athens-Heathrow-Dublin, when if I'd waited another day I could have gone Heraklion-Athens-Dublin. But. That bridge is well and truly burned, now, I think.

Why, you might ask, has it taken me till Saturday to log on to the internets, if I got home Wednesday morning?

Very simple. I've been sleeping, waking long enough to eat, watch a little television, and go back to sleep, for most of the last three days. And I'm still tired. Crazy, huh?

But I'm going back to Crete for the pre-arranged two-week holiday with the parent at the end of August. Because I can't let the heat beat me. Not like that.

Comments

[clarentine]

Oh, wow. I've been thinking about you and wondering how you were doing, and I'm sorry it did not work out as you'd planned. Finding out one has limits, and shortcomings, is never an enjoyable lesson.

And yeah - don't let something beat you. Back you down, sure, but don't let it beat you.

[hawkwing-lb.livejournal.com]

It was... interesting. I was there just long enough to want to take part in the digging and post-excavation - they appear to be turning up some really interesting stuff - which was also just long enough to complete fuck up my brain through not sleeping.

Maybe if I'd stuck it out for a week, and got to be sleeping again it would've worked out okay? But by Tuesday morning I was in no way physically sound or really compos mentis.

Which is the long way round of saying, yeah, I'm sorry too. The holiday will be my way of seeing if I can cope with the heat under slightly less pressurised conditions - if I do okay, I can think about trying again somewhere else in the Med next year, maybe on a survey on something.

I'm still trying to work my way around to accepting perfectly understandable human weakness, damnit. :)

[clarentine]

Good luck with that. I hate every one that's hit me.

[hawkwing-lb.livejournal.com]

Yep. They sodding suck, don't they?

[clarentine]

Bilge water - from a transatlantic shipment of cattle - that's been fed bad grain....

[hawkwing-lb.livejournal.com]

Sounds about right.

[txanne.livejournal.com]

Oh, honey, I'm sorry. But if it's taken you this long to recover, trying to stick it out would have been a bad idea. Sleep more and don't try thinking until you feel like yourself again.

[hawkwing-lb.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

[etumukutenyak.livejournal.com]

Sleep is important, and health is important, so you did the right thing. Now you can adjust your expectations and see how things play out later on.

Adjusting to heat is difficult for anyone who lives in a more moderate climate. It takes at least 3 months for complete physiologic adjustment, and that has nothing to do with the psychological adjustment.

It's a bummer though, so here's some hot chocolate for your inner child. ;-)

[hawkwing-lb.livejournal.com]

I never thought 30 degrees Celsius sounded like all that much. Until I found myself trying to do stuff in it. Sweet godless heavens, my temperate climate, I will keep it.

Mmm, hot chocolate. I'm having pizza tonight - it's so nice to have an appetite again. :)

[etumukutenyak.livejournal.com]

I like your climate too, and we get it only a few months of the year. Right now we're in the 30s (C). It makes us work outside early or late, and stay indoors during the Danger Time. Of course, that's the very time you archaeologists are outside, so there's your problem. What you need is a way to do those dig things indoors, at least if you want to specialize in the hot climates. ;-)

After living in hot climates for about 6 years (West Indies, and then the lovely state of Louisiana), I came to the understanding that I need a place with seasons. That way, when I am suffering in the 30 (+) heat, I can motivate myself with thoughts of winter, where we can easily go to -10, -15 C.

Mm, pizza. As our Canadian friends say, "Bon appetit!"

[hawkwing-lb.livejournal.com]

Alas for my semi-chosen not-yet-profession! If I ruled the world - but I do not, so.

Eek. Hot summer, cold winter. I think I may be staying in coastal north-western Europe for as long as I possibly can. :P

Pizza = yum. :)