log

Anxiety continues. The mere mention of fitness gives me tightness of the throat and diaphragm, which is nice when one's parent is asking if one is thinking of going back to the gym with relative lack of judgemental-ness. And by nice I mean unpleasant.

Made it to town today. Library. Collected a book. Went to see supervisor and help set up for an evening of Music and Culture in association with an embassy. Faked normal, and even enjoyed self during music. Succeeded in not puking from anxiety. Came home. Answered email. Succeeded in not puking from anxiety. Ate two scones with jam and cream. Succeeded in not puking from self-disgust at own lack of self-restraint, and also anxiety.

Am now become excessively anxious over interacting with other humans as a result of faking normal levels of confidence earlier. Second-guessing self.

Equilibrium: definitely not achieved.

Reading meme

Meme, via oursin and sartorias.

What are you currently reading?

Mary Douglas, Natural Symbols

On my super's recommendation. Douglas is decidedly odd, and rather dated at this point.

Michael Pearson, Those Damned Rebels: The American Revolution As Seen Through British Eyes
Padhraig Higgins, A Nation of Politicians: Gender, Patriotism and Political Culture in Late Eighteenth-Century Ireland

Both of them personal interest.

Saara Lilja, The Treatment of Odours in the Poetry of Antiquity
Olsen and Sens, Archestratos of Gela

Research. I would like them more, did I not resent them for keeping me company in my misery.


What did you recently finish reading?

Today? Melanie Rawn's Touchstone. Recently? Check the "books 2012" tag. There've been a lot.


What do you think you’ll read next?

For research the list is long, and gives me anxiety. For fun and/or reviewing?

Karen Lord's The Best of All Possible Worlds and Felix Gilman's The Rise of Ransom City are probably next up. And Vourvoulias' Ink. I have shelves full of competing NEXTs, and a bunch of electronic things I ought to be reading. (I'd like someone to give me a copy of Manieri's Blood's Pride and ask me to review it, but sky, pie, fishes, wishes, etc.)