wash away the dirt

[hawkwing_lb]

So. Um.

Apparently I'm finished college now. I'm still not sure how this is supposed to work. There was something in the manual about being a responsible adult now? But, you know. I still feel like a teenage imposter.

Even though I'm twenty-four in two months. Twenty-freaking-four. I still find it hard to believe I've lived this long. Weird, huh? Four years ago, I didn't think I'd make it this far, much less finish the degree. Just goes to show. Can't let the bastards keep you down. Even if they're only the voices in your head.

What I'd like to do, around now, is find a job that doesn't actively make me want to slit my throat inside six weeks, and then, finally start living like a bloody adult. You know. Rent and bills and all that boring stuff that happens when you have your own space. Unfortunately, the jobs market here is shit. No, seriously. Shit.

Anyone in places foreign have an opening for a bright young ancient history (almost) graduate?

So at the moment I'm getting my shit together for making postgraduate applications, and hoping my brain grows back before existential angst eats me alive. Oh noes! The terrible gravity of living! The heavy burden of existential uncertainty!

(Inside Schroedinger's box, does the cat know whether it's alive or dead?)

I think I might need to talk to someone again, though. Professionally. My coping mechanisms have worn a little thin, this last while. It might be worthwhile seeing if I can shore the them up. Irrational terror... yeah. Not the best way to face the changing stages of life, right?

Comments

[anghara.livejournal.com]

Oh, *sweetie*. Twenty freaking four was a lifetime ago for me.

And I STILL haven't found that manual that you're wanting.

Perhaps the truth of it is that you never get to grow up. You just get to grow older, and hope for the best...

(and, lest this come out far too dreary and distressing, congrats on the graduation. Now you get to do the interesting stuff....)

[hawkwing-lb.livejournal.com]

Well, I kind of ditched the manual a while back anyway. Responsible adulthood sounds so... drab. (I don't think I know any responsible adults, really. People who fake it really well, on the other hand? That might be nearly everyone.)

Technically, I don't graduate till October. There will be a lovely ceremony, with Latin bits and gowns, and students will look like dishevelled crows and the officiating fellows will be all brightly-gowned like songbirds. Or possibly poisonous frogs: as I remember, they get to wear red and yellow. But thank you! I'm rather looking forward to seeing what happens next.

Existential terror and volcanic eruptions permitting. It's an interesting time to be alive. :)

[rysmiel.livejournal.com]

Well done. *hug*

I've just hit 37, and I still get that teenage imposter stuff. I begin to suspect the only people who don't are people whose self-confidence is turned up to one notch short of 'psychotic'.

I did have a moment of thinking I might actually be turning into a responsible adult a few years back, when I got my first newspaper subscription. Fortunately shortly thereafter I got invited to a party in a hot tub with a cut-off time for clothing, and that all went away. Outdoor hot-tubs in the snow are not sensible, not even slightly.

[hawkwing-lb.livejournal.com]

Heh. I can't argue with you. On either count.

(And thank you. I'm done. Done! It makes me gleeful and terrified by turns. :P )