I am happy. This surprises me.

[hawkwing_lb]

I am making soup. It is vegetable soup with the scraps leftover from a boiled ham, and will be very protein-heavy soup, because I emptied two tins of different kinds of beans into it.

I am surprisingly happy. I slept well and woke happy. There is rain between showers of sunlight, and I breakfasted upon black grapes and Greek yoghurt drizzled in maple syrup. The words in the reader's report on the submitted chapter of my thesis have not changed during the night: the criticism is still mild and constructive, and the sentence The candidate demonstrates impressive mastery of the archaeological data, writes with elegance and precision, and begins to formulate highly promising theoretical grounds from which to embark upon the kind of cultural phenomenology of healing which the thesis sets out to produce hasn't mysteriously disappeared.

I am still hugging that sentence. I want to frame it.

I am so rarely this happy. This reassured that I am not a waste of space and time, that I am doing what I am meant to do, and doing it well. It is impossible to own my own abilities without anxiety, without fear of overweening pride and self-deception - always I must qualify the sentence. Always, I disbelieve. Always, I am insufficient.

But today I am less insufficient, and can make soup and play videogames and go for a walk and be kind to myself, because today, for a short time, I am happy and full of charity and love towards the world.

Comments

[clarentine]

Validation is so very important. Go, you!

[hawkwing-lb.livejournal.com]

It is, just a bit.

[rysmiel.livejournal.com]

Oh, most excellent well done. *hug*

[hawkwing-lb.livejournal.com]

I am still boggled. :)

<3

[fadethecat.livejournal.com]

That is an excellent sentence, and you should frame it, and hang it beside your desk.

[hawkwing-lb.livejournal.com]

I do want to. :)

[endlessrarities.livejournal.com]

That's impressive! I don't ever remember getting anything like that back about my thesis - it all seemed very hush hush. Once my supervisor wrote me a comment which said 'This is a very piece of work'. He forgot to add the appropriate word and it's left me wondering to this day what exactly he meant...