Commuting: not always a joy

[hawkwing_lb]

Today was a good day. Until I got on the train to come home.

So there I was, minding my own business, surrounded by other people minding their own business, and before we leave town, two boys get on the train. About fourteen, fifteen: they start passing comments on all the women in the carriage, being randomly insulting and misogynist, doing just about everything short of pissing on the furniture to mark territory.

Everyone's ignoring them, or trying not to engage. Reader, I lasted four stops - that's twenty-five minutes, give or take - and then I lost my temper.

I stood up. I told them that their behaviour was juvenile, offensive, and inappropriate in a public place; that they might think they were amusing but they were not, and furthermore they should just shut up. (I'm pretty sure I spluttered over the just shut up.) They tried to talk back to me: I told them again that they were juvenile and offensive, and then when the louder boy tried to insult me, I got up in his face and told him to cease, and when he was still trying to figure out what "cease" meant, I changed carriages.

Because if I had been provoked - if the kid had so much as stood up and looked like he was going to push me - I was in the place where it would have been much easier to smash his face in than walk away. And if I'd stayed, the kid would have had to prove to his friend that I didn't intimidate him. And wanting to beat someone only about two-thirds of my weight to pulp isn't really an impulse I'm proud of having.

(And no, I'm not proud of the fact that I enjoyed getting up in the kid's face and intimidating him with superior size, strength, and barely-repressed fury either. On the other hand, maybe he'll think twice about behaving on the assumption that women in a public space exist for his amusement and convenience next time.)

Sigh. It is just barely possible that I have too much anger for anybody's good.

Comments

[cristalia.livejournal.com]

While I understand taking absolutely no pride in that?

Good on you for doing something.

So many people don't.

[hawkwing-lb.livejournal.com]

Telling them off made me feel less furious, anyway. I may as well take advantage of being big and muscular and female and thus less at risk. :P

(Although if there'd been more of them, or if they'd been older and looked meaner, I might've taken the path of discretion. Might not, too: egads, but I had such an anger going.)

[etumukutenyak.livejournal.com]

You had a righteous anger, and a worthy target. Well done, for standing up to misogynist bullying in public, one of the most difficult things to do. At heart, you know you did right even though you were tempted to go further, and that separates you from the bullies who don't know when or how to stop.

Just remember to use your powers only for good. ;-)

[hawkwing-lb.livejournal.com]

Aye aye, ma'am. ;)

[etumukutenyak.livejournal.com]

Carry on, then.

:-)

[glinda-w.livejournal.com]

Seconded. I suspect they'll think twice about behaving that way again - not so much because they got told off, but because that, to boys their age, is a very embarrassing thing. *wry*

And lord, I do wish that'd happen to every set of young punks who act like that... won't stop their attitudes, but at least it'd curb the behavior.

[hawkwing-lb.livejournal.com]

One can at least hope.

[jennygadget.livejournal.com]

I second this.

[hawkwing-lb.livejournal.com]

I guess that means the motion carries, then. :)

(I think I might be just a little flip tonight.)

[jennygadget.livejournal.com]

u wuz a superhero! twice! (once for standing up to them. the other for not knocking them flat, as tempting as i'm sure it was) you deserve some frivolity.

also...adrenaline kinda does that, I've been told.

[hawkwing-lb.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm even more flip outside the internets. Especially after climbing.

[jennygadget.livejournal.com]

"Telling them off made me feel less furious, anyway."

Doing something always feels better that not doing something. And while it's not always the better choice (safety is important, among other things), I generally tend to be in favor of trying and failing and then trying differently the next time, rather than never trying at all.

(in theory, anyway, I'm not always brave enough to put those theories into practice)

Also, from my experience in having to kick packs of teen boys out the library, it's one of those things that not only gets less scary with practice, practice also makes it easier to do it without being in danger of losing one's temper. (thankfully, I've never been in danger of hitting anyone in the library, but I have been tempted to be less professional than I should be in such situations)

[hawkwing-lb.livejournal.com]

Being a random passer-by on a train is slightly different in terms of moral authority than being in a position of relatively-socially-recognised authority - such as librarian. Which is not to say that you are not entirely right, just that I'm not sure the two experiences are wholly comparable. So to speak.

(in theory, anyway, I'm not always brave enough to put those theories into practice)

Safety is most important. Being physically big and muscular puts me in a position of great privilege in terms of feeling safe in most confrontations in a public space. Looking like you can take care of yourself in a scrap is three-quarters of the way to not having people press the point of physical confrontation. (And having taken a martial art for a good while there with a former bouncer for a sensei has its upsides - although one downside was realising how incredibly easy it is to seriously damage people, as long as you commit to really hurting them. Which makes me really wary of losing my temper.)

Which is to say I'm probably safer than a lot of people, and not quite as safe as I imagine. :)

[jennygadget.livejournal.com]

Being a random passer-by on a train is slightly different in terms of moral authority than being in a position of relatively-socially-recognised authority - such as librarian.

Very true, but that was kinda my point. It's nerve racking enough to do it when you have social structures in place to give you privilege and authority. But even that is bad enough for practice and experience to be useful in dealing with them. That's the similarity I was trying to get at.

Some of it may be that I read as "older" (although I'm not sure, because everyone still says I don't look my age) but even stuff like just knocking on my neighbors door when [redacted] is easier now that I've been in situations where it was expected that people listen to me. (substitute teacher librarian/bouncer) Because the thing about being in situations like that is that it means you also have the responsibility of making people listen to you; you don't have the option of walking away, so it forces you to deal with the stuff that might be easier to walk away from. Maybe it's just me and I hadn't had either expectation often enough before those experiences, but they've helped me.

[hawkwing-lb.livejournal.com]

Ah. I misunderstood. I get what you're saying now.

[jennygadget.livejournal.com]

OMG!!! u mean u I didn't understand exactly what I was saying the first time around!?!?!? Clearly one of needs to work on her communication skills.

and by "one of us" I mean me. ;)

[hawkwing-lb.livejournal.com]

Your clarity of language is incomparable! :P

[jennygadget.livejournal.com]

yes, but incomparable to what? :p

[hawkwing-lb.livejournal.com]

I believe I have the right to remain silent. :P