between the rock and the cold, cold sea

The oddest thing about any kind of deadline grind, for me, is that the closer the deadline looms, the more inclined I become to wander off and do something else entirely.

Take tonight, for example. Oh, I got some work done, but I spent a good half-hour or longer looking at the requirements for postgraduate study (and possibilities for the funding thereof) at Oxford, Cambridge, and Toronto. I mean, I have a year at least before I even need to start thinking about what I need to do to get into postgrad work.

And first, of course, I need to ace the undergrad degree.

(But it is nice to dream about doing an M.Phil at Cambridge and succeeding well enough to transfer to the doctoral register.)

...

Ambitions. I can has them. :P

Outside my window it is dark. Already.

I blame the rain - which is hammering down as though wet weather is going out of fashion - but really, where'd the summer go? It's autumn now, and only going to get darker.

Which is depressing, in a way, until I remember that my brain works better in cold weather.

The closer it gets to October the more nervous I get about returning to college. I'm repeating my first year, with a change of subjects. Ancient history and archaeology remains, to be combined with biblical and theological studies.

I don't want to make a fool of myself again. And I need to get another job soon, as I don't qualify for a maintenance grant on a repeat year.

Worrying over things I can't alter will only give me ulcers and poor concentration. Instead, I shall construct castles in the air and daydream about spending a month next summer in Senegal and a week or two going diving in the Canary Islands. And then perhaps in 2008 I can do a transcontinental trip across Canada, maybe get in on a Worldcon on the way home, and do a divemaster course in Lanzarote. And perhaps in 2009 there will be a few months' archaeological digging in North Africa or the Med, and maybe an opportunity to visit Central Asia. And in 2010 I will graduate with first class honours and be offered an opportunity to take a Master's degree at Oxford.

Pleasant imaginings, though most likely beyond my financial means. Still, one may strive, and one may hope.

And there's always dreaming, too. :-)